Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
my thoughts on "Coming out of the autistic parent closet" by another MilSpouse
Find ATWM's letter here: Coming out of the Autistic Parent Closet
Here is my original response:
"My son, who is 15 now, was originally diagnosed with ADHD when he was 4, but that diagnoses left too many things unexplained. Aspergers IS NOT a disease, or a syndrome, as society has labeled it, but rather a GIFT! Bill Gates is said to be Aspergers (look also to Doreen Virtue's definition of ADHD-Attention Dialed into a Higher Dimension) and it is believed that Einstein was Aspergers as well.
Jennifer, you are a doll! Life is not without its challenges, especially in a society with such rigid social norms (many of them questionable), and no doubt that moving to the beat of your own drummer is sometimes less than desireable TO OTHERS, but I've finally learned to try to help my son be WHO HE IS, but to be aware of what society (school, for example) demands of him. We all try to be who we are, yet cater and conform to social norms, like not swearing when we're at our kid's school or in a public business office).
We still have to teach him some things outright,(it wasn't until last year that we realized he was NOT hanging up on us when ending a phone call. In his mind, the call was over, so he hung up, and we had to tell him that, SILLY as it seems, OTHER people really need you to bring the call to an end-say 'goodbye' or 'see ya' because that lets them know you're going to hang up!!)
Rent the movie "Temple." It's BRILLIANTLY done, and Temple Grandin is my hero. She's totally autistic, and a PROFESSOR AT CSU FORT COLLINS, CO!! Aspergers IS NOT a disease or hinderance. It's just another way of being. And, it IS NOT good or bad. It just is."
My thoughts do not end there, however. It has taken time, sorry to say, for me to learn to see my son as a WHOLE person-not a broken person. I have learned that it is society that has the problem. Different. Not less.
Here is another blog on the issue, by Wifeunit, who has also learned that her child is on the autistic spectrum:
Moving-forward
Here is my original two-cents on that, which I hope better explains my evolving position on the autistic spectrum:
Wifeunit and others, first and foremost, I'm going to INSIST that we CHANGE THE LABEL from SYNDROME to GIFT.
Tell a different story. The world needs autistics (check out my personal hero, who, while still alive, has a movie in her honor: Temple Grandin; also, Bill Gates, Einstein, Mozart, Isaac Newton, Stanley Kubrick, Daryl Hannah, and a wonderful boy named Luke Jackson, an aspy who wrote a book at 13years telling how he experiences the world-"Freeks, Geeks, and Asperger Syndrome").
See your children as whole persons, able to contribute and live full lives. We all struggle with life-not only stresses and problems, but add to that depression, medical problems, and, for many in our crowd, families are struggling with PTSD and TBI. Autistics and Aspys can be as resilient and thrive as much as any one else. I'm finally seeing my son as the gifted whole person he is, after 15 years. The only reason society labeled it as a 'syndrome' is because we decided we had norms and expectations in society. But autistics and apsys move to the beat of THEIR OWN DRUMMER. Isn't that a good thing? We have had many speed bumps and hurdles over the years to get over, but I have realized I only contributed to the 'label' which has a negative connotation. But when you see how gifted these children can be if we just SUPPORT them rather than tell them that they're broken, they can truly do great things.
My point is, rather than just reading all the books and websites and being an 'advocate' for my son, who lacks confidence now as a teen because he knows he's different, and these labels told him all these years that he's somehow broken, I have to BELIEVE in him and SEE HIM AS A WHOLE, UNBROKEN person.
Don't we all change our behaviors some depending on what setting we are in (like not cursing around toddlers or the boss, or making a scene in the grocery store)? Well, these children must learn the same thing-tell your children that even though it seems silly to have to "say goodbye" before hanging up the phone, for example, just explain that "other people" need them to do that. A huge part of difficulties are in the social realm, and WE AS A SOCIETY have determined what is acceptable/expected and what is unacceptable, and we conform, whether we want to or not. Our children can learn to "help others" by conforming to some of these things -then validate them by acknowledging that "sure, it seems strange, but it's what the store manager or restaurant manager needs from us." The problem is ours as a society-not theirs, but we've made it their problem and told them they're to blame because they're different.
Different isn't bad. Different is not less. See them as whole, not broken, and whole, unbroken people have to contend with life, just as well as those of us suffering depression or PTSD (both diagnoses that indicate some level of 'broken').
I would say that I've been grateful for our military life, since structure is good for people on the autistic spectrum, and our household is fairy structured. I will say that my 15yo does struggle now, since mom is not the one he needs so much, and dad is gone a lot (not deployed, but still not at home, and facing yet another deployment). And the entire household deals with Sapper's PTSD. You bet, we all experience it when dad can't handle a slamming door, a barking dog, or the startle of an engine backfire.
Never the less, I do think our family not only has, as a military family, had access to all the resources necessary for success (good school district, psychiatrists, psychologists, and others such as PT/OT) but we've never paid one penny for services. If we don't care for one doctor, we can try another. We paid a copay for one of his medicines that was not available at the Army pharmacy, but that's it.
Sometimes I look at our house, and I feel guilty and wish I could do things better for my kids, but then I look at other families, even those without "labels" and realize, we are good. We are thriving. We are resilient-yes, even my Asperger's son.
I want a group to brainstorm how we can help our kids on the spectrum to be confident, to learn to navigate society confidently, yet still be confident in WHO they are, and to still know they are WHOLE and valuable people. We have to prepare high-functioning kids for the real world, but, since kids are the future, who are we to try to dictate what their norms will be, especially since more and more people are being "labeled" as being on the spectrum. Seems to be more the norm than not, which makes the rest of us the minority! Maybe WE'RE broken if we're NOT on the spectrum.
I want to tell my son,
"yes, our society requires you to make grades and to behave certain ways (like sitting still). BUT, we all know that letter/number grades are only PART of the picture-only one measure of what a student is learning. In school, you must sit at your desk, but if your brain works better on math with your but against a wall and your legs going up the wall, then at home, that's what you do. Because home is sanctuary.
And we will help you succeed, even if your letter grades (which is one way society measures you) are not what society thinks you should have. Aspergers is not a disability, and not a crutch. "
Finding the label can be a relief, as it gives us a 'label' for the issues that have troubled us or our kids. It also opens the door to support, treatment, and community. The problem is not having a label. The problem is that we've given the label a negative connotation, and it's time to CHANGE how the world views the autistic spectrum, and those who move to the beat of their own drummer.
We don't have to do anything at all about Asperger’s or the AS. They are unique, often successful individuals who are simply … themselves!
http://www.autismtoday.com/articles/Genius_May_Be_Abnormality.htm
Excerpts from:
http://www.yourlittleprofessor.com/benefits.html
"Diane Kennedy, an author and advocate for Asperger Syndrome, writes, "They are our visionaries, scientists, diplomats, inventors, chefs, artists, writers and musicians. They are the original thinkers and a driving force in our culture.""
"Likewise, Dr. Temple Grandin, an adult with autism who became a successful engineer, academic and speaker, believes that her disorder is an asset. She once famously called NASA a sheltered workshop for people with autism and Asperger Syndrome. She believes that people with autistic spectrum disorders are the great innovators, and "if the world was left to you socialites, nothing would get done and we would still be in caves talking to each other.""
"People with very high IQs often question the status quo, resist direction, have long attention spans, undergo periods of intense work and effort, and like to organize things even as children. Other people often perceive them as "different." All this is the same with those who have Asperger Syndrome."
"Lovecky notes how Aspies often have advanced vocabularies, recognize patterns others do not, and pursue ideas despite evidence to the contrary because they are not easily swayed by others' opinions. Their ability to focus on details and their inability to see the big picture means they can often come up with solutions to problems others overlook. Aspies are often willing to spend long hours in laboratories and in front of computer screens because they do not mind being alone. All this enables them to make tremendous contributions at work and school. Author Patricia Bashe points out that people often admire those who can work independently. She writes, "Our society celebrates the individual who does what he thinks is right and goes his own way.""
Here is my original response:
"My son, who is 15 now, was originally diagnosed with ADHD when he was 4, but that diagnoses left too many things unexplained. Aspergers IS NOT a disease, or a syndrome, as society has labeled it, but rather a GIFT! Bill Gates is said to be Aspergers (look also to Doreen Virtue's definition of ADHD-Attention Dialed into a Higher Dimension) and it is believed that Einstein was Aspergers as well.
Jennifer, you are a doll! Life is not without its challenges, especially in a society with such rigid social norms (many of them questionable), and no doubt that moving to the beat of your own drummer is sometimes less than desireable TO OTHERS, but I've finally learned to try to help my son be WHO HE IS, but to be aware of what society (school, for example) demands of him. We all try to be who we are, yet cater and conform to social norms, like not swearing when we're at our kid's school or in a public business office).
We still have to teach him some things outright,(it wasn't until last year that we realized he was NOT hanging up on us when ending a phone call. In his mind, the call was over, so he hung up, and we had to tell him that, SILLY as it seems, OTHER people really need you to bring the call to an end-say 'goodbye' or 'see ya' because that lets them know you're going to hang up!!)
Rent the movie "Temple." It's BRILLIANTLY done, and Temple Grandin is my hero. She's totally autistic, and a PROFESSOR AT CSU FORT COLLINS, CO!! Aspergers IS NOT a disease or hinderance. It's just another way of being. And, it IS NOT good or bad. It just is."
My thoughts do not end there, however. It has taken time, sorry to say, for me to learn to see my son as a WHOLE person-not a broken person. I have learned that it is society that has the problem. Different. Not less.
Here is another blog on the issue, by Wifeunit, who has also learned that her child is on the autistic spectrum:
Moving-forward
Here is my original two-cents on that, which I hope better explains my evolving position on the autistic spectrum:
Wifeunit and others, first and foremost, I'm going to INSIST that we CHANGE THE LABEL from SYNDROME to GIFT.
Tell a different story. The world needs autistics (check out my personal hero, who, while still alive, has a movie in her honor: Temple Grandin; also, Bill Gates, Einstein, Mozart, Isaac Newton, Stanley Kubrick, Daryl Hannah, and a wonderful boy named Luke Jackson, an aspy who wrote a book at 13years telling how he experiences the world-"Freeks, Geeks, and Asperger Syndrome").
See your children as whole persons, able to contribute and live full lives. We all struggle with life-not only stresses and problems, but add to that depression, medical problems, and, for many in our crowd, families are struggling with PTSD and TBI. Autistics and Aspys can be as resilient and thrive as much as any one else. I'm finally seeing my son as the gifted whole person he is, after 15 years. The only reason society labeled it as a 'syndrome' is because we decided we had norms and expectations in society. But autistics and apsys move to the beat of THEIR OWN DRUMMER. Isn't that a good thing? We have had many speed bumps and hurdles over the years to get over, but I have realized I only contributed to the 'label' which has a negative connotation. But when you see how gifted these children can be if we just SUPPORT them rather than tell them that they're broken, they can truly do great things.
My point is, rather than just reading all the books and websites and being an 'advocate' for my son, who lacks confidence now as a teen because he knows he's different, and these labels told him all these years that he's somehow broken, I have to BELIEVE in him and SEE HIM AS A WHOLE, UNBROKEN person.
Don't we all change our behaviors some depending on what setting we are in (like not cursing around toddlers or the boss, or making a scene in the grocery store)? Well, these children must learn the same thing-tell your children that even though it seems silly to have to "say goodbye" before hanging up the phone, for example, just explain that "other people" need them to do that. A huge part of difficulties are in the social realm, and WE AS A SOCIETY have determined what is acceptable/expected and what is unacceptable, and we conform, whether we want to or not. Our children can learn to "help others" by conforming to some of these things -then validate them by acknowledging that "sure, it seems strange, but it's what the store manager or restaurant manager needs from us." The problem is ours as a society-not theirs, but we've made it their problem and told them they're to blame because they're different.
Different isn't bad. Different is not less. See them as whole, not broken, and whole, unbroken people have to contend with life, just as well as those of us suffering depression or PTSD (both diagnoses that indicate some level of 'broken').
I would say that I've been grateful for our military life, since structure is good for people on the autistic spectrum, and our household is fairy structured. I will say that my 15yo does struggle now, since mom is not the one he needs so much, and dad is gone a lot (not deployed, but still not at home, and facing yet another deployment). And the entire household deals with Sapper's PTSD. You bet, we all experience it when dad can't handle a slamming door, a barking dog, or the startle of an engine backfire.
Never the less, I do think our family not only has, as a military family, had access to all the resources necessary for success (good school district, psychiatrists, psychologists, and others such as PT/OT) but we've never paid one penny for services. If we don't care for one doctor, we can try another. We paid a copay for one of his medicines that was not available at the Army pharmacy, but that's it.
Sometimes I look at our house, and I feel guilty and wish I could do things better for my kids, but then I look at other families, even those without "labels" and realize, we are good. We are thriving. We are resilient-yes, even my Asperger's son.
I want a group to brainstorm how we can help our kids on the spectrum to be confident, to learn to navigate society confidently, yet still be confident in WHO they are, and to still know they are WHOLE and valuable people. We have to prepare high-functioning kids for the real world, but, since kids are the future, who are we to try to dictate what their norms will be, especially since more and more people are being "labeled" as being on the spectrum. Seems to be more the norm than not, which makes the rest of us the minority! Maybe WE'RE broken if we're NOT on the spectrum.
I want to tell my son,
"yes, our society requires you to make grades and to behave certain ways (like sitting still). BUT, we all know that letter/number grades are only PART of the picture-only one measure of what a student is learning. In school, you must sit at your desk, but if your brain works better on math with your but against a wall and your legs going up the wall, then at home, that's what you do. Because home is sanctuary.
And we will help you succeed, even if your letter grades (which is one way society measures you) are not what society thinks you should have. Aspergers is not a disability, and not a crutch. "
Finding the label can be a relief, as it gives us a 'label' for the issues that have troubled us or our kids. It also opens the door to support, treatment, and community. The problem is not having a label. The problem is that we've given the label a negative connotation, and it's time to CHANGE how the world views the autistic spectrum, and those who move to the beat of their own drummer.
We don't have to do anything at all about Asperger’s or the AS. They are unique, often successful individuals who are simply … themselves!
http://www.autismtoday.com/articles/Genius_May_Be_Abnormality.htm
Excerpts from:
http://www.yourlittleprofessor.com/benefits.html
"Diane Kennedy, an author and advocate for Asperger Syndrome, writes, "They are our visionaries, scientists, diplomats, inventors, chefs, artists, writers and musicians. They are the original thinkers and a driving force in our culture.""
"Likewise, Dr. Temple Grandin, an adult with autism who became a successful engineer, academic and speaker, believes that her disorder is an asset. She once famously called NASA a sheltered workshop for people with autism and Asperger Syndrome. She believes that people with autistic spectrum disorders are the great innovators, and "if the world was left to you socialites, nothing would get done and we would still be in caves talking to each other.""
"People with very high IQs often question the status quo, resist direction, have long attention spans, undergo periods of intense work and effort, and like to organize things even as children. Other people often perceive them as "different." All this is the same with those who have Asperger Syndrome."
"Lovecky notes how Aspies often have advanced vocabularies, recognize patterns others do not, and pursue ideas despite evidence to the contrary because they are not easily swayed by others' opinions. Their ability to focus on details and their inability to see the big picture means they can often come up with solutions to problems others overlook. Aspies are often willing to spend long hours in laboratories and in front of computer screens because they do not mind being alone. All this enables them to make tremendous contributions at work and school. Author Patricia Bashe points out that people often admire those who can work independently. She writes, "Our society celebrates the individual who does what he thinks is right and goes his own way.""
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Military Wives as Surrogates: "Controversial"
It's been a process of contemplating, and following the input of others on this issue, http://www.spousebuzz.com/blog/2010/10/military-wives-as-surrogates-controversial.html and initially, I had the position that I, as a military dependent, am entitled to care regardless of how I become pregnant (Note: I have no desire to be pregnant again). It's been an enlightening discussion, which actually changed my point of view, and I changed my position some from my original post on SpouseBuzz. What is changed is underlined:
I've meandered thru the posts following my previous post, and it is an enlightening discussion. I think I agree with Vic and Art the most, having presented more facets that I had not considered. Being an Army spouse as well as a retired veteran, I try to look at things from different angles, but lack the "business" background so I miss things.
I do agree that "There are many good thoughts on here that do make me think."
I do want to point out that when I brought up the issue of "being raped," which I don't believe is out of perspective simply because I wanted to point out that as a dependent, I am entitled to care regardless of how I become pregnant. I can see, however, how that seems irrelevent, given the "victim status" a rape victim has versus the "business" status that a surrogate has.
I also agree that people come into the military for the benefits, and that this has always been a draw for the military.
The point that makes sense to me though, now that I see it, is that if there is money involved then it appears to be fraudulent. "Becasue not only is it a free service to the dependent, but they are also getting paid for their "services." That makes direct, obvious sense. This is a business venture.
In this light, the "sponsor" of the surrogate, I think, should pay the bill for the services rendered as they would in a civilian hospital with a fee to the surrogate.
Sarah points out that when we dependents are seen in a military hospital, we are asked if we have other insurance, if it is related to workers comp or a car accident, etc., so Tricare can bill the third party, which is usually an insurance plan.
I agree with Steve that it is a for-profit venture; I have decided, however that re-imbursement is NOT the rule, or that the "buyer" in this case, the couple hiring the surrogate, should pay up front, or be billed directly, for the following reason: If DOD hospitals were for-profit entities, I would say that the ability to bill third parties to recoup the debt on surrogates would justify accepting surrogate patients, but since DOD hospitals ARE NOT for-profit entities, then, logic tells me this is reason alone why surrogate pregnancies should not be handled in DOD hospitals. Since there are some dependents who do not get their care in DOD hospitals, however, this does not apply. In this case, the non-DOD hospitals, should not even bill Tricare. They should bill only the couple hiring the surrogate, and/or their third-party insurer.
Perhaps DOD hospitals should have pregnant spouses fill out and sign forms stating that "yes, they are being paid for this child birth" or "no, they are not being paid for this child birth." People are less likely to lie directly, in writing, knowing there can be direct repercussions from lieing.
Art, you are an educated doll (are we allowed to say that to men?). I had a hard time not responding to Rhonda's obvious hostility and lack of education. You are a gem. Were you an Elder in another life? ;-)
Rhonda stated "Military people don't pay taxes because they produce nothing to tax. They are just required to give back some of the money the government gave them."
This is hostile and irrational on many levels, and I think Art addressed it nicely, describing (over and above the ideas of PROTECTING THIS COUNTRY AND RESPONDING TO DISASTERS) many ways the military produces a "product" and gives back to society. He gave examples such as "the military creates wealth in the example of the US Navy simply by keeping the sea lanes open so energy resources, food commodities and goods in general can flow freely without fear of WW II type disruption," as well as other more business-related contributions to society, such as the Air Force collaboration with NASA years ago, and the fact that the Internet (yes, this invisible cyberworld that many of us now can't live without) was originally created by the military. I would add also that the military, in one form or another, contributes. We all spend our tax-payer-originated-but-hard-earned-money in the community, living, existing, contributing to the economy. Reserve component members contribute heavily these days, not just deploying with active duty troups, but also responding to disasters such as Hurricane Katrina and earthquakes here at home. Who does the govenor call when he/she needs response to local rioting? The National Guard. Enough on that issue.
5kidsmom pointed out the correlation "to any other medical condition that was job-related - also covered by Tricare." I think this is a huge point, but it is also correct that if your condition/injury is work-related (in this case, for-profit contract-related), the third party, being Workers Comp (or in this case, the party hiring the surrogate) should rightfully bear the costs.
5kidsmom also points other other, separate, but ethical issues:
-the targetting of military wives during deployments - no chance of being impregnated by her husband if he's away. Ouch.
-I also don't oppose surrogacy, I also oppose the taking advantage of military spouses for a profit. But I think there's more to it than just that. Milspouses are taking advantage of some things too. That's a personal issue, I think.
-the clogging of OB/GYN clinics-taking up appointments for surrogates, leaving others "floundering for appropriate care" in other clinics." I think we've all experienced this at some time, and in many specialty clinics.
I've meandered thru the posts following my previous post, and it is an enlightening discussion. I think I agree with Vic and Art the most, having presented more facets that I had not considered. Being an Army spouse as well as a retired veteran, I try to look at things from different angles, but lack the "business" background so I miss things.
I do agree that "There are many good thoughts on here that do make me think."
I do want to point out that when I brought up the issue of "being raped," which I don't believe is out of perspective simply because I wanted to point out that as a dependent, I am entitled to care regardless of how I become pregnant. I can see, however, how that seems irrelevent, given the "victim status" a rape victim has versus the "business" status that a surrogate has.
I also agree that people come into the military for the benefits, and that this has always been a draw for the military.
The point that makes sense to me though, now that I see it, is that if there is money involved then it appears to be fraudulent. "Becasue not only is it a free service to the dependent, but they are also getting paid for their "services." That makes direct, obvious sense. This is a business venture.
In this light, the "sponsor" of the surrogate, I think, should pay the bill for the services rendered as they would in a civilian hospital with a fee to the surrogate.
Sarah points out that when we dependents are seen in a military hospital, we are asked if we have other insurance, if it is related to workers comp or a car accident, etc., so Tricare can bill the third party, which is usually an insurance plan.
I agree with Steve that it is a for-profit venture; I have decided, however that re-imbursement is NOT the rule, or that the "buyer" in this case, the couple hiring the surrogate, should pay up front, or be billed directly, for the following reason: If DOD hospitals were for-profit entities, I would say that the ability to bill third parties to recoup the debt on surrogates would justify accepting surrogate patients, but since DOD hospitals ARE NOT for-profit entities, then, logic tells me this is reason alone why surrogate pregnancies should not be handled in DOD hospitals. Since there are some dependents who do not get their care in DOD hospitals, however, this does not apply. In this case, the non-DOD hospitals, should not even bill Tricare. They should bill only the couple hiring the surrogate, and/or their third-party insurer.
Perhaps DOD hospitals should have pregnant spouses fill out and sign forms stating that "yes, they are being paid for this child birth" or "no, they are not being paid for this child birth." People are less likely to lie directly, in writing, knowing there can be direct repercussions from lieing.
Art, you are an educated doll (are we allowed to say that to men?). I had a hard time not responding to Rhonda's obvious hostility and lack of education. You are a gem. Were you an Elder in another life? ;-)
Rhonda stated "Military people don't pay taxes because they produce nothing to tax. They are just required to give back some of the money the government gave them."
This is hostile and irrational on many levels, and I think Art addressed it nicely, describing (over and above the ideas of PROTECTING THIS COUNTRY AND RESPONDING TO DISASTERS) many ways the military produces a "product" and gives back to society. He gave examples such as "the military creates wealth in the example of the US Navy simply by keeping the sea lanes open so energy resources, food commodities and goods in general can flow freely without fear of WW II type disruption," as well as other more business-related contributions to society, such as the Air Force collaboration with NASA years ago, and the fact that the Internet (yes, this invisible cyberworld that many of us now can't live without) was originally created by the military. I would add also that the military, in one form or another, contributes. We all spend our tax-payer-originated-but-hard-earned-money in the community, living, existing, contributing to the economy. Reserve component members contribute heavily these days, not just deploying with active duty troups, but also responding to disasters such as Hurricane Katrina and earthquakes here at home. Who does the govenor call when he/she needs response to local rioting? The National Guard. Enough on that issue.
5kidsmom pointed out the correlation "to any other medical condition that was job-related - also covered by Tricare." I think this is a huge point, but it is also correct that if your condition/injury is work-related (in this case, for-profit contract-related), the third party, being Workers Comp (or in this case, the party hiring the surrogate) should rightfully bear the costs.
5kidsmom also points other other, separate, but ethical issues:
-the targetting of military wives during deployments - no chance of being impregnated by her husband if he's away. Ouch.
-I also don't oppose surrogacy, I also oppose the taking advantage of military spouses for a profit. But I think there's more to it than just that. Milspouses are taking advantage of some things too. That's a personal issue, I think.
-the clogging of OB/GYN clinics-taking up appointments for surrogates, leaving others "floundering for appropriate care" in other clinics." I think we've all experienced this at some time, and in many specialty clinics.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Purported "man of the cloth's" intent to burn the Quran
World Leaders Denounce Plans for Quran Burning at US-Church
burn-quran-day-sparks-protests-afghanistan-petraeus-endanger
Renee's take on this horrible issue, and the gist of the letter I sent to Pastor Terry Jones:
I am very disturbed by this matter. Unexceptable acts on the part of Americans that jeopardize service members and military missions are not about free speach. It's about safety. My letter follows:
Pastor Terry Jones
Dove Center
5805 Northwest 37th Street
Gainesville, FL 32653
(352) 371-2487
I am retired military, but more than that, I am an Army wife whose husband, who has already been to Iraq 4 times, has to watch him deploy again next year. Don’t do something to cause innocent Islamic citizens, both in the United States and abroad, to either not cooperate with service members, or, at worst, to lash out viciously at my husband and other service members. Our military has enough to worry about.
1. The Quran does not just represent extremists; it also represents peaceful, innocent citizens.
2. The bible does not just represent peaceful, innocent citizens; it also represents extremists, such as the KKK and other groups, who use it to justify their horrible views and deeds, yet no one is burning bibles.
3. It is not productive, and I am ashamed that another American, a man of the cloth who is supposed to set the good example of what kind of a person to be, is resorting to such an ignorant and thoughtless act. Resolving not to burn the Quran is not resorting to passivity. It is simply more productive, and mentally, emotionally, and spiritually healthier to be the better person; rather than fostering hate, use this situation to teach love of the world, and that even people who claim to be Christians can be horrible, and do horrible things, but that most of the world, is not horrible in that way.
4. Sell your book. Don’t burn the book that also represents the innocent.
burn-quran-day-sparks-protests-afghanistan-petraeus-endanger
Renee's take on this horrible issue, and the gist of the letter I sent to Pastor Terry Jones:
I am very disturbed by this matter. Unexceptable acts on the part of Americans that jeopardize service members and military missions are not about free speach. It's about safety. My letter follows:
Pastor Terry Jones
Dove Center
5805 Northwest 37th Street
Gainesville, FL 32653
(352) 371-2487
I am retired military, but more than that, I am an Army wife whose husband, who has already been to Iraq 4 times, has to watch him deploy again next year. Don’t do something to cause innocent Islamic citizens, both in the United States and abroad, to either not cooperate with service members, or, at worst, to lash out viciously at my husband and other service members. Our military has enough to worry about.
1. The Quran does not just represent extremists; it also represents peaceful, innocent citizens.
2. The bible does not just represent peaceful, innocent citizens; it also represents extremists, such as the KKK and other groups, who use it to justify their horrible views and deeds, yet no one is burning bibles.
3. It is not productive, and I am ashamed that another American, a man of the cloth who is supposed to set the good example of what kind of a person to be, is resorting to such an ignorant and thoughtless act. Resolving not to burn the Quran is not resorting to passivity. It is simply more productive, and mentally, emotionally, and spiritually healthier to be the better person; rather than fostering hate, use this situation to teach love of the world, and that even people who claim to be Christians can be horrible, and do horrible things, but that most of the world, is not horrible in that way.
4. Sell your book. Don’t burn the book that also represents the innocent.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Afghanistan will be here soon; deployment bubbles and other intangibles
We don't have a date yet. Afghanistan will have to be content with the back burner until we are given a deployment date. In the mean time, Afghanistan is also on our back burner, always in the back of my mind, catching my eye in the headlines, stealing my attention in military discussions... Sapper has 4 deployments to Iraq under his belt, not including an unaccompanied year at the former Camp Howse near the DMZ in Korea. Never-the-less, it isn't deployment, per se, that befuddles me-I'll cross that bridge, once again, when I get to it. No, these days, in the time between that next deployment and that time when soldiers are, theoretically, supposed to be "recovering" and healing from the last one, supposedly "reintegrating" into regular, American, civilian life, not only are they preparing other units to deploy as well as themselves, (field exercises and long hours at ranges, for example), they're just not really at home. I don't know what others' experiences are, but much of the time, it's like still being a single parent: running the household, managing medicines, appointments, yard work, killing wasps, dealing with freezer repairmen, responding when the school calls, and all other household duties, in addition to trying to manage one's own needs (not very good at that yet) on my own, except this other ghost in a uniform comes home from the field or whatever other duty now and then.
I've found that I actually do deployment quite well, once the initial hit wears off-once the first few weeks of near-overwhelming tears subside and regular life takes over. I get into my routine, which I've pretty much maintained the entire time Sapper has been home anyway, and I'm fine. No, it's this business in between deployments that has me in bubbles, brick silos, or what ever you want to call it. Since Sapper came back from Korea, he hasn't truly been ours. Well, the Army lets us have him from time to time, but, the time between deployments in past years, used to actually belong to the family. Soldiers will always carry their combat wounds (physical and mental) but these days, it seems like even when he's home, there's still one foot out the door. He says he wants to be with us, do something, whatever, but spends a lot of time in some sort of man-cave. Barking dogs, a running laundry machine, and kids-being-kids-doing-what-kids-do put him on edge these days. Don't invite him to the hockey game-it's more than he can handle. Do I ask him if he can be at the house when the youngest gets off the bus one day, or if he can cover an appointment so I can handle another obligation? Do I ask him to stop in at the pharmacy to pick up a refill?
Most days, I just handle all the daily and non-daily household, child, and other tasks, chores, and errands myself. It's what I'm used to doing. It's easier. Or, maybe that's a cop-out. But most of the time, even if he has a day off, I just go about my business. If one of the boys has an appointment, we just go. If I need someone here when the youngest gets off the bus, I arrange something with a neighbor. That's what my routine has been for nearly a decade. Sometimes it doesn't even cross my mind to see if Sapper is available that day, or if he wants to go to that appointment. To my defense, though, some days it just doesn't seem like he has anything to give. So don't ask.
So, anyway, according to Abraham-Hicks, these are all upstream thoughts. How does one move from these upstream thoughts to downstream thoughts? I'm sure life would feel better going downstream-paddling upstream is such hard work, and, as I'm told, there's nothing that we want upstream. I get the analogy; I just can't figure out how to apply it to specific situations. Is downstream focussing on solutions? Or is downstream simply letting things go? Not focusing on them? Or is it focusing only on happy things?
I've found that I actually do deployment quite well, once the initial hit wears off-once the first few weeks of near-overwhelming tears subside and regular life takes over. I get into my routine, which I've pretty much maintained the entire time Sapper has been home anyway, and I'm fine. No, it's this business in between deployments that has me in bubbles, brick silos, or what ever you want to call it. Since Sapper came back from Korea, he hasn't truly been ours. Well, the Army lets us have him from time to time, but, the time between deployments in past years, used to actually belong to the family. Soldiers will always carry their combat wounds (physical and mental) but these days, it seems like even when he's home, there's still one foot out the door. He says he wants to be with us, do something, whatever, but spends a lot of time in some sort of man-cave. Barking dogs, a running laundry machine, and kids-being-kids-doing-what-kids-do put him on edge these days. Don't invite him to the hockey game-it's more than he can handle. Do I ask him if he can be at the house when the youngest gets off the bus one day, or if he can cover an appointment so I can handle another obligation? Do I ask him to stop in at the pharmacy to pick up a refill?
Most days, I just handle all the daily and non-daily household, child, and other tasks, chores, and errands myself. It's what I'm used to doing. It's easier. Or, maybe that's a cop-out. But most of the time, even if he has a day off, I just go about my business. If one of the boys has an appointment, we just go. If I need someone here when the youngest gets off the bus, I arrange something with a neighbor. That's what my routine has been for nearly a decade. Sometimes it doesn't even cross my mind to see if Sapper is available that day, or if he wants to go to that appointment. To my defense, though, some days it just doesn't seem like he has anything to give. So don't ask.
So, anyway, according to Abraham-Hicks, these are all upstream thoughts. How does one move from these upstream thoughts to downstream thoughts? I'm sure life would feel better going downstream-paddling upstream is such hard work, and, as I'm told, there's nothing that we want upstream. I get the analogy; I just can't figure out how to apply it to specific situations. Is downstream focussing on solutions? Or is downstream simply letting things go? Not focusing on them? Or is it focusing only on happy things?
Thursday, September 2, 2010
2010 Pawtoberfest
Ren's Pawtoberfest Web Page-support fur, feathers, scales and slithering things! 
Go to my Pawtober Fest Page to pledge your support-I'm taking my dog Sienna, and I know she'll make it, but it's going to be a workout!!
Go to my Pawtober Fest Page to pledge your support-I'm taking my dog Sienna, and I know she'll make it, but it's going to be a workout!!
Renee's position on Iraq and President Obama's address
I know there is still much turmoil among Americans regarding continued war and service members affected by constant deployments, ongoing training and the non-stop OPTEMPO (operations tempo, which increases with the intensity of and number of operations). Tensions run high for all of us, and no one is immune, especially those in military families. What I want to express here, however, is that I believe that we will occupy Iraq for a very LONG time to come, due to the fact that Iraq continues to be on "wobbly legs," and will continue to be susceptible to terrorists inclined to take advantage of those wobbly legs, set up shop, and make Iraq a terrorist haven, yet again. Iraq, as President Obama indicated in his address, Iraq still does not have a government in place. Iraq is a nation in recovery, not so unlike Germany and Korea after World War II. In addition to the atrocities of Hitler and his regime, Germany had suffered terrible losses: its cities were in ruins from the bombings toward the end of World War II, and agricultural production was only 35% of what it was before the war. The US occupation of Korea also began after World War II, and anyone who has visited Korea can attest to the fact that some South Korean highways are lined with foxholes and trenches, and many of their bridges and overpasses are ready to be destroyed quickly in the event of a North Korean invasion.
Now that activity has declined in Germany and Korea, bases have been closing over the past 15 years. What this means for Iraq is that combat operations cease, and the United States will operate as an occupying entity, not unlike our occupations of Germany and Korea. Though, like Korea, it is unlikely that the vast majority of tours in Iraq will evolve to include families in the near future.
So, where do we go from here?
I recently heard Fort Carson Commander, Major General David Perkins talking of resilience. The Army is trying to determine why two individuals who experience the same trauma may be affected by it differently. One may be totally in shock, and may develop post traumatic stress symptoms. The other brushes off his pants and keeps right on going. The Army is training both soldiers and spouses to be resilient, to be the one who wipes off his or her hands and keeps on living, and living well. The Army has even implemented a Master Resilience Trainer Course with the motto "Strong Minds, Strong Bodies."
I want to get on that "band wagon." I want to be the resilient one. I am a retired soldier, as well as an Army wife, whose Sapper just reached his 20 year milestone. We chose this life, knowing full well there is sacrifice, but more than that, we chose this life BECAUSE OF THE SACRIFICE. Because this sacrifice gives to our lives something bigger than ourselves. Life meaning, which cannot be belittled by the purpose of "receiving a paycheck," or anything else. I must admit also that the 20 years I spent in uniform does not even begin to compare to the OPTEMPO my Sapper has experienced over the past ten years. I used to think we had it good compared to our grandparents who did not hear from their service members for years at a time during the early wars. After all, they did not have satellite phone, Yahoo Messenger and web cams, and the most extraordinary postal system in the world. Istill think things are better for todays' Army families. But I think this is all relative to the time. Our parents' and grandparents' hardships and benefits were relative to their life experiences and demands. Our hardships and benefits are relative to our life experience. You cannot truly compare them because the variables are not the same. The economy is radically different. Really, it is like comparing apples and oranges, despite the similarities in how the early wars affected service members. Never-the-less, I have to constantly remind myself that I would have this life with my Sapper (which now includes PTSD, TBI, both our bad habits and a lifetime of emotional baggage) over any other life without him, even if it means facing total sacrifice on his part. I'll be able to hold my head high.
And when I'm feeling negative, angry, or depressed, it is people who critisize, who do not truly know the issues or understand the big picture, and who refuse to see all the good that is accomplished, who get me back on my personal bandwagon, return me to my personal place of spirited determination, and remind me of my higher purposes. Just because the OPTEMPO has changed, that doesn't mean our life purpose has changed, and sometimes, yes, I whine, and I need to be reminded to keep my eye on the ball-that ball that was our life purpose. If you ask my Sapper, he will tell you that he is not ready to leave active duty yet. He truly still enjoys his job, despite the aches of a non-stop OPTEMPO or anything else Army life has to dish out. Warrior spirit still thrives inside him, and I honestly cannot see him doing anything else, not at this point in time, even if I had a job earning six figures. Sapper still loves his job. It still gives him that higher purpose that many of us seek. How many of us only wish to find our life purpose?
And who knows? Maybe some day in my lifetime, Iraq will be safe enough to allow Army families to travel with their service members on tours in the same way they have to Germany and Turkey. I would love to see that part of the world some day, a place with some of the oldest and greatest history of mankind.
Now that activity has declined in Germany and Korea, bases have been closing over the past 15 years. What this means for Iraq is that combat operations cease, and the United States will operate as an occupying entity, not unlike our occupations of Germany and Korea. Though, like Korea, it is unlikely that the vast majority of tours in Iraq will evolve to include families in the near future.
So, where do we go from here?
I recently heard Fort Carson Commander, Major General David Perkins talking of resilience. The Army is trying to determine why two individuals who experience the same trauma may be affected by it differently. One may be totally in shock, and may develop post traumatic stress symptoms. The other brushes off his pants and keeps right on going. The Army is training both soldiers and spouses to be resilient, to be the one who wipes off his or her hands and keeps on living, and living well. The Army has even implemented a Master Resilience Trainer Course with the motto "Strong Minds, Strong Bodies."
I want to get on that "band wagon." I want to be the resilient one. I am a retired soldier, as well as an Army wife, whose Sapper just reached his 20 year milestone. We chose this life, knowing full well there is sacrifice, but more than that, we chose this life BECAUSE OF THE SACRIFICE. Because this sacrifice gives to our lives something bigger than ourselves. Life meaning, which cannot be belittled by the purpose of "receiving a paycheck," or anything else. I must admit also that the 20 years I spent in uniform does not even begin to compare to the OPTEMPO my Sapper has experienced over the past ten years. I used to think we had it good compared to our grandparents who did not hear from their service members for years at a time during the early wars. After all, they did not have satellite phone, Yahoo Messenger and web cams, and the most extraordinary postal system in the world. Istill think things are better for todays' Army families. But I think this is all relative to the time. Our parents' and grandparents' hardships and benefits were relative to their life experiences and demands. Our hardships and benefits are relative to our life experience. You cannot truly compare them because the variables are not the same. The economy is radically different. Really, it is like comparing apples and oranges, despite the similarities in how the early wars affected service members. Never-the-less, I have to constantly remind myself that I would have this life with my Sapper (which now includes PTSD, TBI, both our bad habits and a lifetime of emotional baggage) over any other life without him, even if it means facing total sacrifice on his part. I'll be able to hold my head high.
And who knows? Maybe some day in my lifetime, Iraq will be safe enough to allow Army families to travel with their service members on tours in the same way they have to Germany and Turkey. I would love to see that part of the world some day, a place with some of the oldest and greatest history of mankind.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)