I’m
a Humanist organizer, a retired army veteran, a former army wife, and care
giver for my teenage nephew and two adult sons with disabilities. As a
caregiver and retiree, I know that mental health suffers in our community, and caregivers
who need help themselves have little to no voice, let alone support.
After
a long journey, I discovered in Humanism my philosophical home and life purpose. I’ve
been involved in the local freethought, Humanist, and atheist community for
many years, and believe immensely in the Humanist Ten Commitments:
While I realize I haven’t always lived these values, I believe that my story is one of recovery and triumph, because I’m still here not only fighting the good fight to be a better caregiver for my household (which includes my disabled sister who is now in a potential host home-for whom I am trying to get approval for long term care services), but also trying to give voice and validation to caregivers who ALSO have needs-mental health, physical, self-care. Ours is a unique life experience, and I benefit greatly from my conversations with friends and family who are also caregivers, many of whom are also either in recovery or family members of alcoholics/addicts in recovery. My own recovery also benefits greatly from regular MEETINGS!
My
December 2022 arrest was extremely distressing as it brought to the forefront of
my consciousness how I was not only jeopardizing my ability to care for my
household, but also my family directly. I
realized I didn’t know HOW to remain sober on my own, and that my level of
emotional dysregulation was overwhelming- I needed to find others who have
similar life experiences.
Since
I’d already been receiving different kinds of therapy services through the VA,
which was not enough or the right kind of support, I realized by March 2023
that I needed something more. Traditional AA was NOT an option for me, but I’d
recalled seeing a Meetup.com listing for a secular AA group, Godless Heathens,
which meets nightly; I knew I needed meeting options at other times due to my
life schedule but wasn’t yet comfortable enough to try others so I continued to
attend Godless Heathens most nights.
I
met LifeRing member Lorraine H. at the American Humanist Association conference
in May 2023, and immediately bought the LifeRing books she had available, but
stuck with the evening Godless Heathen meetings until a few months ago.
While
I enjoy and benefit from attending and volunteering as a host of the Godless
Heathens, which is usually a topic/discussion meeting, I have slowly become
more confident in hosting and trying out other meetings, and a few months ago found
a morning LifeRing meeting that really resonated for me, during which I received
information about LifeRing focus groups-exactly what I need!
I
understand that not only is my sobriety dependent on my mental health selfcare,
my mental health selfcare is also reliant on maintaining my own sobriety- this
has to be a priority. Making my own selfcare a priority will allow me to become
a better caregiver, to improve my household. Though I know I am still early in
recovery (sobriety date January 6, 2023) and am feeling more aware, more
confident, more resilient, I know that my mental health/sobriety is lifelong
management, and I need other caregivers with similar life experiences in my
world. My commitment to hosting a weekly Godless Heathens meeting has given me
experience to facilitate virtual meetings, and attending LifeRing meetings has
made me comfortable with the LifeRing meeting format. So while I will continue
to attend my evening meetings, it is now my turn to give back to other
caregivers.
Caregiving
is a life-purpose unlike any other; it’s the glue that makes our society a
village. I truly hope to give caregivers with all life experiences the opportunity,
voice and validation they need to continue doing what we do- sober.
