learning to receive

I care for two adult sons with IDD, one with  intractable epilepsy, both on long term care medicaid waivers. And my niece and nephew, who I've had since Jan 2021 for the 2nd time, and now, provided the court understands, permanently. In addition, my adult sister who is lower functioning cognitively (their mother) moved in last June. She wasn't functioning and is vulnerable. While this was hard on everyone, mostly my niece, it was the right move. Plus, she is the bio-mother of my 22yo, who was taken away from her at 4yo due to failure to thrive. It's intense some days, and I'm improving on my own self care (Barbie, crafts and hiking...). 

 So, we have a complex and high-maintenance household. Where-ever we go people compliment me, which I don't feel is warranted; understand the magnatude of my responsibility, but realize that this household, however complex, is worthy of any and everything I can do to keep it stable. Their lives matter. We matter as a family, even though some days it feels easier to climb a mountain than manage my household.  To your point, a dear friend gave a pair of shoes so I could get started walking and hiking again; my first feeling at her offer was to decline, but I realized that not only did I need proper shoes to get started, but that this gesture had meaning to her, as a caregiver to her own mother.  Plus, she's retired, and receives food from a local pantry most weeks, and they give her much more than she can possibly eat herself, and so she gives us some of that. It's one less trip and planned appt that I don't have to deal with weekly, to get the basics. In addition, since everyone in my household receives SSI and Medicaid (medial) there is a limit to how much money we can have in any account for emergencies, so even though I believe that together, we have the ability to save for emergencies, we're not allowed to have that much in an account. That said, I stock shelf-stable items and rotate them as needed, and my friend's "donations" help me with that-keeping our shelves stocked and restocked frequently enough to rotate items so they don't expire. I'm still trying to figure out how to make a plan for this household, the managing piece, but knowing I don't have to worry about the basics because my friend is looking out for us is huge.