Ren's Ramblings & Writings

Contemplations on things tangible and intangible

Friday, August 27, 2010

my response to Andi's "Please, God. Not That..."

Andi wrote a beautiful synopsis of what goes through the minds of military spouses who know that their service member could be killed or captured while deployed. Find what she shared here Please, God. Not That...

My response:
Such a beautifully written glimpse of just a bit of what goes through the minds of military spouses. Those things in the dark recesses of our minds that no one talks about. It is completely normal to replay scenarios in your mind, imagining what we would do if we received this kind of news. Some of us imagine ourselves being strong, holding our chins high, being a rock for our kids (maybe not even telling them, not yet). Others can see themselves falling to pieces, crying, feeling helpless, powerless, not knowing where to turn. All of us knowing that our world would be upside down upon receipt of such news.

So, where do we go from here? Do we start talking about it openly? Do we keep our fears to ourselves? Do we just say we'll cross that bridge if or when we get to it?

Last night I heard Fort Carson Commander, Major General David Perkins talking of resilience. The Army is trying to determine why two individuals who experience the same trauma may walk away from it differently. One may be totally in shock, and may develop post traumatic stress symptoms. The other brushes off his pants and keeps right on going.

Whatever the difference, I would like to be the resilient one. Knowing that I would have this life with my Sapper over any other life without him, even if it means facing such a sacrifice on his part. I'll be able to hold my head high. I might not be the strong oak that I imagine myself being upon learning of his capture or loss; I may totally fall apart. But in the end, I will know that my Sapper knows, if he's alive, that he has great love waiting for him at home. And if he passes, he will go knowing he gave his all, and that his family will celebrate his life, and honor his passing.

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