Today's journey

 My mental health is reliant on remaining sober, and my sobriety is reliant on working on my 

own mental health.  

Caution: Empathy without boundaries can lead to self-abandonment, and constant self-abandonment leads to burnout. Please be careful with when and how you give your energy. -Jovanny Ferreyra 

The opposite of addiction is connection. -Johann Hari

There's a bottom below the bottom; there's no problem a drink can't make worse. -MD

Sobriety begins with one alcoholic talking to another alcoholic. -W

It’s ok to be frivolous with my time. It’s ok to take time for me… -B

They got a bit of the best me that I was capable of…love I’m capable of receiving and giving-E

“Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change”- Brene Brown

“if you put shame in a petri dish, it needs three ingredients to grow exponentially: secrecy, silence, and judgment. If you put the same amount of shame in the petri dish and douse it with empathy, it can’t survive.”-Brene Brown

When you're not used to being confident, confidence feels like arrogance. When you're used to being passive, assertiveness feels like aggression. When you're not used to getting your needs met, prioritizing yourself feels selfish. Your comfort zone is not a good benchmark. 

"“Healthy boundaries aren’t walls or barbed wire fences. They are gates, portals that we selectively open when it is safe and life-enhancing to do so. Sometimes we do have to wall others off—to heal, to get a taste of what it feels like to be protected after a mountain of suffering—but eventually we come into a sacred balance. Here, we make conscious decisions as to when to open, when to close. I think of it as the “art of selective attachment.” Rather than responding from a patterned place that is too open or too closed, we assess each situation on its own merits. We keep the gate closed, when it is risky to open it. We unlatch the gate, if there is a healthy basis for connection. Healthy boundaries are situation specific, evolving and clarifying as we grow. We sift connections through an intelligently discerning filter, only opening the gate to those experiences and individuals that enhance our sacred true-path."

-Jeff Brown at https://jeffbrown42.substack.com/p/healthy-boundaries

“Safety is not the absence of threat; it is the presence of connection.” -Gabor Mate, Hungarian-Canadian physician

"Don't take it personally. Make it personal so you can learn from it." -S. in B.

"Practice Personal Power." -S. in B.

Bio for becoming a LifeRing virtual meeting convenor

 

I’m a Humanist organizer, a retired army veteran, a former army wife, and care giver for my teenage nephew and two adult sons with disabilities. As a caregiver and retiree, I know that mental health suffers in our community, and caregivers who need help themselves have little to no voice, let alone support.

After a long journey, I discovered in Humanism my philosophical home and life purpose. I’ve been involved in the local freethought, Humanist, and atheist community for many years, and believe immensely in the Humanist Ten Commitments:

While I realize I haven’t always lived these values, I believe that my story is one of recovery and triumph, because I’m still here not only fighting the good fight to be a better caregiver for my household (which includes my disabled sister who is now in a potential host home-for whom I am trying to get approval for long term care services), but also trying to give voice and validation to caregivers who ALSO have needs-mental health, physical, self-care. Ours is a unique life experience, and I benefit greatly from my conversations with friends and family who are also caregivers, many of whom are also either in recovery or family members of alcoholics/addicts in recovery. My own recovery also benefits greatly from regular MEETINGS!

My December 2022 arrest was extremely distressing as it brought to the forefront of my consciousness how I was not only jeopardizing my ability to care for my household, but also my family directly.  I realized I didn’t know HOW to remain sober on my own, and that my level of emotional dysregulation was overwhelming- I needed to find others who have similar life experiences.

Since I’d already been receiving different kinds of therapy services through the VA, which was not enough or the right kind of support, I realized by March 2023 that I needed something more. Traditional AA was NOT an option for me, but I’d recalled seeing a Meetup.com listing for a secular AA group, Godless Heathens, which meets nightly; I knew I needed meeting options at other times due to my life schedule but wasn’t yet comfortable enough to try others so I continued to attend Godless Heathens most nights.  

I met LifeRing member Lorraine H. at the American Humanist Association conference in May 2023, and immediately bought the LifeRing books she had available, but stuck with the evening Godless Heathen meetings until a few months ago.

While I enjoy and benefit from attending and volunteering as a host of the Godless Heathens, which is usually a topic/discussion meeting, I have slowly become more confident in hosting and trying out other meetings, and a few months ago found a morning LifeRing meeting that really resonated for me, during which I received information about LifeRing focus groups-exactly what I need!

I understand that not only is my sobriety dependent on my mental health selfcare, my mental health selfcare is also reliant on maintaining my own sobriety- this has to be a priority. Making my own selfcare a priority will allow me to become a better caregiver, to improve my household. Though I know I am still early in recovery (sobriety date January 6, 2023) and am feeling more aware, more confident, more resilient, I know that my mental health/sobriety is lifelong management, and I need other caregivers with similar life experiences in my world. My commitment to hosting a weekly Godless Heathens meeting has given me experience to facilitate virtual meetings, and attending LifeRing meetings has made me comfortable with the LifeRing meeting format. So while I will continue to attend my evening meetings, it is now my turn to give back to other caregivers.

Caregiving is a life-purpose unlike any other; it’s the glue that makes our society a village. I truly hope to give caregivers with all life experiences the opportunity, voice and validation they need to continue doing what we do- sober.

My reaction to "Spare," by Prince Harry

 

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0593593804/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o02_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

From the beginning, just from the title, I knew I'd relate to, find common ground with Prince Harry's emotional life experiences. I could see so much pain in his mother's eyes when she was alive, long before I had the slightest understanding of trauma and mental health issues. Harry resonates Princess Diana's personal fortitude, her will to fight for, stand up for what he believes. I see so much pain in Harry, yet, there's a resilience, a hope. Harry embodies the idea of asking "what happened to you" rather than "what's wrong with you." I hope his trauma and mental health story empowers others.

Addendum:

What a beautiful voice telling his truth-truths that so many of us have long suspected, but also that many of us relate to, identify with.

I still love his mother, Princess Diana, to this day, and after watching her life from a distance, seeing the horrible life circumstances she was subjected to- but which she also chose to live, since her sons were young~ now, Prince Harry and his beautiful life partner, Duchess Meghan, deal with a cruel and brutal world comprised of a glutonous public, a barbaric media industry, and the horrid betrayal of a racist colonial family and monarchy.

Queen Elizabeth II, and now King Charles, have LONG had the ability to evolve the status quo, to show love and compassion, to stand by their own kin, son, grandson, and the love of his life....I cannot fathom that sense of betrayal....

except, well, I can, based on my own life experience...makes me wonder if Charles is truly Harry's biological father, since it is hard to fathom a true father mistreating his own blood this way, so tragically, so calculatingly ruthless.

Now, Prince Harry does make clear that staff and courtiers have also committed these horrible betrayals. Indeed, he describes throughout the book incessant, ongoing, lifelong mistreatment at the behest of staff and workers within the palace- who were there to SERVE their country, NOT destroy one of its sons....

As I recall Princess Margaret's life (Prince Harry's paternal aunt), I have come to coI can also comprehend, sadly, the incredible betrayal by the institution-the perpetual lack of compassion, protection, caring, and more, for Prince Harry and his family. All was NOT ok prior to meeting the love of his life, Duchess Meghan, and it certainly became worse after. I am ashamed of humanity, for a humanity that clearly can't stand humans or humanity...

This abject and self-abasing cruelty bestowed upon Harry and to be sure, Meghan and their children has caused so much pain - evident to the very last page; though, writing Spare may have been somewhat cathartic on some level, the effort to get beyond this pain, these traumas, this lifelong betrayal, will not come easy, or without a price... a price his children will also pay on some level, thanks to Queen Elizabeth II and King Charles for putting politics and image over family. How very narcissistic of you.

And to Prince William: there was a time when I thought you were your mother's son. I was mistaken; you are the monarchy's pawn. Nothing more.

In the end, Prince Harry gives ME hope that I too can recover from complex trauma, maybe even regain some positive lost memories.

 

Note: Amazon not only refused to post my comments, but rebuked me for the negative stuff. I guess it's more opinionated than a simple review! I'm ok with that. 

Re: Rep. Mast's Oath of Exit Act Bill.

As a veteran, a veteran's daughter, and the ex-wife of a now-veteran, I see this as a shallow attempt at lip-service. Mental illness, emotional disregulation, and trauma are neurological; they are not something that is "cured." Mental health has to be managed lifelong, and resiliency may ebb and flow based on life experiences.  Further, putting the onus on suffering veterans who are trying to get through the day-to-day of existence is victim-blaming and short sighted. It is a view of trauma as being controlable by the individual, when trauma experts will tell you that trauma is NOT what happened to you; TRAUMA IS WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR BRAIN. Furthermore, PTSD and CPTSD are very different, and this idea that an oath will stop a suicide is almost worse than what religions do to make mental illness worse. This says "keep you alive but quality of life is on you."

This is infuriating and completely lacks any scholarship.

https://govtrackinsider.com/oath-of-exit-act-would-create-optional-oath-for-military-members-to-recite-upon-leaving-aimed-at-e3cf8832357f

Book Review: Waking the Warrior Goddess: Harnessing the Power of Nature & Natural (Nov. 1st, 2005 )

 Book Review: Waking the Warrior Goddess: Harnessing the Power of Nature & Natural Medicines to Achieve Extraordinary Health by Dr. Christine Horner

Originally published at: www.happynews.com 

Dr. Christine Horner is a champion for women in the battle for good health. Particularly, Dr. Horner’s passion is to teach women to protect themselves from breast cancer. She also wants to empower breast cancer victims with knowledge that can help them improve their chances of survival.

In Waking the Warrior Goddess: Harnessing the Power of Nature & Natural Medicines to Achieve Extraordinary Health (WWG), Dr. Horner speaks to the reader in a voice reminiscent of a big sister or a close friend. She comes across as genuinely caring about the reader. While honoring her mother and other breast cancer victims and survivors, she aims to provide us with the tools to prevent and fight cancer. Dr. Horner focuses on positive lifestyle changes and conveys scientifically proven ways to "influence your state of health."

WWG

Once her bill successfully passed in Congress in 1998, Dr. Horner focused on what she felt was an even greater problem, the "growing epidemic of breast cancer." That was when she began her quest to find all that modern science and "ancient traditional medicine systems" had to offer for breast cancer prevention.

A research-based book, WWG promotes Dr. Horner’s vision that "All women experience perfect health because they recognize and use their powerful inner ability to heal themselves." The beauty of this, however, is that this book is not just a tool for breast cancer prevention and cure; it is her prescription for a positive, healthy lifestyle for everyone.

Dr. Horner combines the techniques she discusses into easy to follow "to-do lists" and shopping lists. Dr Horner uses a metaphor, the Warrior Goddess, and the principles of ayurveda to portray the concepts of our own inner "healing intelligence" and what she calls the "oldest and most complete system of prevention-oriented holistic health still practiced today."

Throughout the book Dr. Horner explains in a very simplistic way, what various bad guys (IE. sugar, stress, tobacco, estrogen) do within the body and how the good guys (IE. certain spices, foods, stress reducing activities) empower the body. She even consolidates these scientifically based recommendations into her "30-Step Program," which includes a grocery list and a supplement list. Throughout WWG, Dr. Horner not only explains why to eliminate certain things and incorporate others, she also gives alternatives. For example, she recommends giving up red meat, but for those who love red meat, she suggests vegetable-based meat substitutes.

Dr. Horner presents the information in such a positive, can-do manner that one cannot help but feel empowered by her belief that women can change their lives for the better. She defines terms, explains physiological processes in our bodies, gives examples and makes analogies or parallels to relate concepts to other more easily understood ideas.

Having cited studies and work from around the world, it is very clear that Dr. Horner has sought out every possible known natural means for women to protect and/or heal themselves. Indeed, Dr. Horner’s "passion to teach people to live healthy naturally" adds what she hopes will be a comprehensive tool for women to protect themselves from any cancer. This is ideal for the person who is not skilled at researching, yet, for those who want more information, Dr. Horner incorporated a Resource Guide in which is listed places to purchase the recommended products, her recommended reading lists, and a complete bibliography of all studies, journal articles, books and websites she cited. Even this is broken down into categories by chapter and subject.

Keeping in mind that doctors cannot always solve our problems in short appointments, we must arm ourselves with knowledge. To quote Dr. Horner, "If we have knowledge, we have choice." This does not mean that we avoid our doctors. Rather, it means we are better equipped to help our doctors to help us. No one book can substitute for medical care, but WWG attempts to arm us with the knowledge to prevent illness in a society that is cure-oriented rather than prevention-oriented. Dr. Horner’s focus is on breast cancer prevention, but her recommendations may be universally applicable, regardless of gender, race, or location.

When asked about the high cost of some of her recommendations (IE. the average price of CoQ10 seems to be approximately $30 per bottle at local drugstores; panchakarma treatments "in America, programs and lodging run between $1,500 and $3,000 per week," according to

Proper rest and exercise do not have to cost anything, and most readers can acknowledge that sleep and exercise are scientifically proven to have many benefits to overall health and well being. In the chapter "Balancing Rest and Activity," Dr. Horner explains the importance of the proper amount of rest and maps out simple guidelines for managing exercise in our day.

Learning transcendental meditation (TM) is also very expensive. According to

For those people who are looking for reputable sources of panchakarma, TM, or any other form of detoxification or meditation, Dr. Horner strongly urges us to ask around. She advises to search for the recommended supplements at health food stores rather than typical grocery stores. She feels that knowledgeable health food store staff will be able to assist in choosing a reputable brand.

When I asked Dr. Horner about skeptics who, for example, criticize TM and challenge the existence of scientific evidence regarding TM, she stated "TM is the most well-researched form of meditation and is found to be the most effective method of meditation." Indeed, when I did a quick search at

Acknowledging the social purpose of religion and rituals, anthropologists have long believed in the healing power of belief systems, and doctors seem to be looking increasingly at the religious preferences and culture of their patients.

Dr. Horner spends a great deal of time traveling. I asked her how she keeps herself healthy when she is away from home. She replied, "I have the tools to settle by body’s imbalances. I exercise, follow my schedule, get to bed on time, and prepare my own meals whenever possible."

A comprehensive addition to our life toolbox, readers should remember that no book substitutes for medical advice. In addition, what works for one person may not work for another. We are all different. What the reader should take away from this, however, is that it appears possible to live a healthy, cancer free life and we can choose the recommendations we feel we can work with. Dr. Horner provides the basis for us to understand our bodies and how certain things affect us physically, mentally, and emotionally, how these affects overlap each other, and how they can cause breast and other forms of cancer, as well as many other conditions that decrease our standard of life.

is well organized and easy to read. The reader connects immediately with Dr. Horner on a very personal level in "My Journey," where she describes her experiences as a plastic surgeon working with breast cancer survivors. She describes her battle to have legislation passed to force insurance companies to pay for breast reconstructive surgery after survivors have had mastectomies. On page two, Dr. Horner states, "Just imagine being told you have breast cancer. That news alone is horrific enough. But then, you’re told you must have one or both of your breasts surgically removed. You’re also told you’ll be treated with poisonous chemicals that will make you very sick, cause all your hair to fall out, and possibly damage your vital organs. Your mind begins to race with questions that strike terror in your heart. Will this disease kill you? Will the side effects of the treatments make you wish you were dead? Will the postoperative pain be agonizing? Will your significant other still love you and find you sexually attractive? The only comforting news you hear is that you can be restored to physical wholeness with reconstructive breast surgery. A little patch of blue in the stormy sky. But shortly after this, you find out that your insurance company refuses to pay for this surgery. Your world caves in. Imagine."www.happynews.com/news/1132005/waking-the-warrior.htm www.yjmag.com/health/62.cfm), Dr. Horner recognizes that many people cannot afford some things. What she recommends, however, is to implement the things you can afford, "just stop the bad habits to begin with." She stated further that many bad habits (IE. tobacco, alcohol, processed foods) are often more expensive than a healthy, organic diet. In addition, many cities have shops where we can purchase bulk herbs, spices and teas for a fraction of the cost of grocery stores. Dr. Horner recommends daily consumption of green tea, which is an inexpensive addition to one’s diet. There are also other forms of home detoxification, but since there is little to no research on these, one should do their own research and consult their physician before attempting them.www.tmprogram.org, the "TM Technique Course Fee: $2500 (covers the course of instruction and the lifetime follow up program)." At the North Hills News Record, (www.tm.org/news/northhillsnewsmax.html), in 1998, the course fees were "$575 for an adult; $345 for a full time student and $230 for high school students and younger." Dr. Horner, who strongly recommends TM, said that there are many other forms of meditation and stress reducing techniques that are very inexpensive to learn and can have significant results. Once again, however, one should do their own research. Something else to keep in mind, however, is that "the American Journal of Health Promotion shows that people who practice the Transcendental Meditation® technique are healthier and need less medical care," according to the Lancaster Medical Professional Corporation (www.ayurvedamed.com/research/40). What this means is TM could reduce the health care costs, for both insurance companies and consumers.www.medscape.com (from WebMD) I found TM to have over 12,000 hits. Dr. Horner stated that she looked very closely at studies to ensure legitimacy. I would personally recommend the skeptic to further research the topic of what Dr. Horner calls "Comprehensive Medicine," a combination of Alternative Medicine, Complementary Medicine, and Western Medicine. "We should be saying comprehensive medicine to incorporate everything that works." "There really has been a shift in this country; more people are using Alternative & Complementary Medicine, and medical schools are incorporating these into their curricula."

Memorial Day "invocation" for the city of Fountain, CO May 2023

"Thank you, Mayor Thompson, for the invitation to provide this morning’s invocation.

Thank you all for welcoming me and so many others to this commemoration.

**We come here today from many places and by many paths. Yet we all cherish certain shared ideals that draw us together in this community for the common good of all people of this diverse city we call our home.

Today we honor the sacrifices of service members who paid for our freedom by giving their lives in defense of something greater than themselves, this complex/abstract notion of freedom and democracy.

Renown journalist Dan Rather reminds us to “honor not only those who died on duty, but [also] those who came home broken, to a community that is still struggling to learn how to care for them…”

While many do not lose their lives in the combat zone, my own father was never able to fully live life after Vietnam, after Agent Orange exposure and extreme trauma…trauma expert Dr. Gabor Mate and others explain that “trauma isn’t what happened to you; it is what happened in your brain.”

Former director of communications at the American Humanist Association recently described that her father:

“arrived home from the brutality of the Vietnam war with intense and complex post traumatic stress disorder. With no social or psychological safety nets for veterans, especially working poor, African American veterans, my father found relief in cannabis, narcotics, and alcohol."

Congressional candidate David Torres has stated “their service didn’t end on the battlefield; it carries with it unique challenges that persist into civilian life.”

As a veteran doing trauma work for over 2 years now, the more I learn about how I got to where I am today, the more I realize that so many veterans who came before me, like my father, and so many who come after me, live with brain injury that occurred while serving our nation.

My own father lived for 45 years after leaving Vietnam, enduring the long term affects…and society is only starting to understand the neurological components of trauma.

Memorial Day is not only a time for reflection; it is a time for action. Let us use this day to reaffirm our commitment to those who come home alive, with a diminished quality of life. In our All American City, we share a common humanity; what does it mean to receive the All American City award? To BE an All American City?

According to the National Civic League:

Engaged residents    shared vision & values a culture of engagement

Authentic communication collaborative institutions inclusive community leadership

        And embracing diversity and equity.

How does this relate to Memorial Day?

Leadership encourages all residents to participate; thank you, once again, Mayor Thompson for inviting me to speak today. We see leadership in Councilmember Duncan’s efforts to engage our youth in the civic process. We observe this leadership in all the public meetings and events in the city of Fountain.

I had the incredible honor of becoming acquainted with Roland Durden, one of our first Montford Point Marines. Though Roland did not die in battle, he and others came home to a sometimes-hostile society. He had the shared trauma of war, which continued into civilian life. This makes it challenging to truly live and enjoy the freedom our society claims to cherish, because managing trauma is not simple.

Today, Memorial Day 2023, in this All American City, I ask that everyone find a way to take action; on this solemn day, let us honor those who have sacrificed, but let us also commit to creating a future where all veterans and their families, including Gold Star families, can thrive.

I wonder, what can we create, here in this All American City, to care for the needs of veterans and their families, those whose names we may not know, but to whom we owe not just gratitude, but action. Can we celebrate their lives while also supporting Gold Star families, living but traumatized veterans and their families?

Can we, in this All American City, honor their service with action?

Let’s take this moment to emphasize not loss, but to celebrate freedom resulting from the sacrifices of those who served.

In his book What Unites Us, Journalist Dan Rather states

“When I was young, we heard often of how the United States was a great melting pot. It is a fine metaphor as far as it goes. But inclusion, not assimilation, should be the key concept in seeking, ever seeking, a more perfect national union. Our own history has shown that we are stronger as a mosaic than a melting pot. Our nation [and indeed, our All American City], is bound together more by ideals than by blood or land, and inclusion is in our cultural DNA.”

*Let us honor the memory and diversity of those who passed and the sacrifice of those still living.

*Let us confront the voices of intolerance and come to terms with our own complicity in condoning the divisions in our society.

*We have seen that progress is possible, within ourselves and the nation at large. But it requires perseverance, hard work, and a commitment to respect the dignity and humanity of all who call America home… who call Fountain home.

Journalist Dan Rather emphasizes that service can come in many forms. As we renew our commitment to action, as we continue our Memorial Day activities, consider taking action by serving on a board or commission, volunteering with a nearby nonprofit organization or groups of individuals simply paying it forward.

In closing, I’d like to share a statement from Americans United for Separation of Church and State, and a thought truly honoring the diversity that is our military institution:

We come here to do the business of local government – the deliberative body that is closest to the people. As we gather, we are reminded that in our differences there is great strength. We do not all think the same way or believe the same things. Yet we are linked by our common humanity and our shared origin. When we work together to move our community forward in a spirit of mutual respect and common decency, we showcase what is best about our community, our state, and our nation. We embrace many traditions. We are Christians, Jews, Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists, humanists, atheists, agnostics, Wiccans, Pagans, unaffiliated, uncertain, and so many other things. We are straight, gay, and transgender. We are young and old and everything in between. We represent dozens of races and nationalities. We run the gamut from liberal to conservative, and some of us are a bit of both. To be sure, we do not agree about everything. And we often feel fiercely protective of what we do believe. There is great passion in our beliefs—and rightly so. But there is one thing on which we all agree: We share the goal of making our community the best place it can be. We unite here today around that noble aim and common purpose.

Thank you-I wish you all a peaceful Memorial Day."

*excerpted and modified from unknown. will post as soon as located

**excerpt from Rabbi Binyamin Biber’s invocation to the Maryland State Senate Session on March 6th, 2008. Retrieved from A Handbook for Celebrants, The Humanist Society, Interim Version 10, May 2013.